It is hard to believe that while on a break in this beautiful relaxing environment I have had some fears pop up. The first of these involved my baggage, which went missing. While I was reassured by the Jetstar staff that it would arrive in Townsville and be couriered to the island, four days later it still hadn’t arrived. The fear of never seeing it again certainly arose. My next fear was about ‘losing it’, as of late I have been a little muddleheaded—forgetting, losing things and, making mistakes! Another fear that arose related to my upcoming surgery.
I found it interesting to look at my habit of attempting to avoid these fears by suppressing them; leaving me feeling paralysed to act. When I do this, I deny myself the opportunity to befriend the fear and check in with my wise self to really understand what it is I fear, work out if it is real or not, and to transform it into a positive. Befriending and working wisely with the fear allow me feel better, stronger, more confident and more energized. This is a work in progress for me as I often don’t always remember to do this and let the fear take hold.
Being aware that I have been triggered and am fearful is the first step. This awareness helps me to pause before I jump to ignore, bypass or squash the feeling down, or fuel it with negative stories. Once we are aware of the emotion or associated thoughts, in my case, my baggage may never turn up; I’m losing my mind; the operation won’t go well. Then I find it helpful to do my ABCD. Accepting the feeling, thought or situation, no suppression or feeding but instead befriending them with a ‘thanks for sharing’. Breathing – taking some breaths to allow for the thoughts and feeling to move through, creating space to Connect with our wise intuitive selves for the wise advice. And finally Doing – acting on the guidance that arises.
So, what are some helpful things to be reminded of when it comes to fear?
To be our own best friend, that calm, kind, encouraging voice that reassures us things like:
To trust everything will work out
My baggage will turn up
I have been going through a lot and it’s understandable that I may not be at the top of my game
We all make mistakes; it’s part of being human
I will be in the capable hands of surgeons who have done this procedure many times
FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.
Are the things I am fearing really true?
Will my luggage be lost forever?
Will I develop dementia... will my surgery not go well?
My wise self reminds and reassures me it is most unlikely that these fears will happen.
* Fear can seem real, but it is more often than not just a symptom of exhaustion in our body and mind. So, taking some time to relax and rest is always good.
* Worry is a waste of our precious time. As Lama Marut says if you can do something about a concern do that and don’t worry and if you can’t do anything, let it go and don’t worry. This allows us to trust that everything will work out as it needs to, without worry.
* The best way to stop worrying about ourselves is to be concerned for others. I have plenty of opportunities to extend kindness, reassurance and care to others, which helps me to reduce my own fear and worry about myself.
So, by being my own best friend by giving myself the understanding and reassurance I need I am ready to put that wisdom into action. In my case this involved - going to the airport to collect my bag; being kind and encouraging to muddle headed me and grateful for what I am able to achieve; being thankful for the medical team and care I am about to receive and to think about the positives related to the surgery - including being cancer free, not developing incontinence as I age and not needing to get up to go to the loo in the night; and lastly looking for someone else who is fearful to offer reassurance and encouragement to. I got this opportunity often, including when I was able to encourage and compliment a stressed new mother.
By being our own best friend and giving ourselves the reassurance, encouragement and support we need when fear and worry pop up, we can act with wisdom to transform a negative situation into a positive one. Go Us!